09/09/2011

who do you think you are, running round leaving scars

I didn't create this blog to write personal posts but you know when something is just on your mind and you need to get it off your chest? Well this is it.
For the last couple of weeks of sixth form, one particular girl made my life hard. I made a mistake more than a year ago and she felt like it was time to tell everyone. She was my best friend and I trusted her with everything and that's what I got in return. 
I had to leave my group of 'friends' as I didn't feel comfortable and I did NOT want to be anywhere near her. 
I understand that I made a mistake and it was wrong but everyone makes mistakes, no one's perfect and I deserve what I get off the girl I hurt. No one else. 
I never ever retaliated once to their constant talking about me, and even the fact that their was a Facebook group made about me, other than delete them all off Facebook so I didn't have to read their sad comments about me, and I even got abuse off them for deleting them? Work that one out. 
I still haven't told her how she's made me feel but oh my god, I am dying to. She thinks she got away with what she done to me and that really gets to me. 
When thinking about this, the thought always comes to my mind...should I just be the bigger person? Should I let her get away with what and how she made me feel? Then there's the other thought....I could tell everyone what she's really like, all those people who think they are good friends with her, they have no idea what she said about them, but I am not that sort of person to go and hurt other people purposely. It just get's to me that she has done this to me, made me an outcast and hate going to the last few weeks of school.
 I thought I'd never have to see her again until I found out she's coming to the same Uni as me but thankfully is at another campus. Hate is a strong word, but I actually hate what she did to me and how she turned everyone against me. 
My Mam says that they can't have been my friends if they chose to take her side and watch her bully me. I suppose she's right but it still hurts to think that they aren't my friends and didn't help me. People I've known for 7 years...they agreed with what she had said but not what she had done...then, why didn't you help me?
I still find it hard and all because of Facebook, how sad right? And I know the solution is to delete my Facebook but then I think why should they win? Why should they bully me, make me an outcast, humiliate me and then practically force me off something I really like? 


Has anyone gone through something like this? I hate her. I really do. 

4 comments:

  1. Something so big as this has never happened to me but I have been made to feel like an outcast and unwanted. It is the most horrible feeling in the world. I think what you should do, is be happy right infront of them. What they are doing is that their obsessing over you and are desperate to make you feel so small. That is pretty pathetic that they have nothing better to do than to bully you. Think about that - they. have. nothing. better. to. do. How sad. I know people say 'just ignore them' but ignoring them can be impossible when they are making you miserable. I understand that completely. But you could try and ignore the hold they have over you. Don't let them control your actions anymore, don't let them make you feel down anymore, don't give them the satisfactory of uttering their names from your mouth. Life is short and being miserable will get you no where. Smile.


    Sinead xxx

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  2. There was a time in school where a "friend" hurt me and all I wanted to do was get back at her and make her feel the way she had made me feel. Instead I tried to not let it bother me, which is so hard I know, and my mom gave me great advice. There is life after high school, no one remembers anything that happens or even cares, and this is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being the best years of your life. I didn't believe it could be true until later, i'm 22 now. I don't even talk to or see most of the people I went to school with because I CHOOSE not to. You were forced to be around her because of school but now you can be completely done with catty people who have nothing better to do than to hurt people. Her actions show the kind of person she is and people will soon realize that she doesn't have a life and that you didn't stoop to her level. Be happy and don't worry or waste anymore time on her. Just tell yourself you're done and moving on :)

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  3. Whats your email? Ive gone through simmilar, for 4 years now its just been a big a big chain of them things. I'd rather not say on here though.x

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  4. It is sad that that girl felt the need to do that to you and anyone decent will recognise that, I never believe what I'm told about people, I'd rather form my own opinion and not believe what I'm told about people, even if it is true how is what I'm told any of my busness? Sadly not many people I know are the same. I go to an all girls school, from the age of 12 until I was 15 I've been bullied, I don't get bullied anymore. It's made me cautious, trustworthy but not trusting of other people. I know that one day I will get out of here and live my life and there will be more people who think like me in the real world and the losers, who obsess over popularity and have to make everyone elses life miserable because they have issues and are jelous of happy people, will get found out and have trouble coping when it's time to grow up. I've been hurt by everyone I've ever trusted. I don't bother with people, I keep myself to myself and that's something I've always found to work, the minute I start to trust someone they let me down so I don't bother. People like me and seek me out just to tell me their secrets instead of their own friends because they don't trust them, but they trust me. It just makes me wonder how people can be friends with people they don't trust. I've managed to think about people who've hurt me in the past and wonder why they do these things, all of them have simmilar issues, which almost make me feel sorry for them. I don't forget what anyones done to me nor do I hold a grudge, If someone who hurt me talks to me I'll be perfectly nice, if I'm a bitch theres a chance theyl hurt me again. People I'm friends with those whove hurt me in the past, I just don't trust them with my secrets. Because of how I am everyone sees me as their friend. Sometimes going through this crap makes you more of a down to earth, likeable person. Try not to waste your time on her, pettiness and getting your own back is a waste of your time. People will realise what this girl is one day.x

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thanks for leaving a comment my lovelies!xxx